Monday, November 10, 2008

I'm LoSt

Have you ever think that you are useless or too complicated and no one could understand you? I used to think that way before. I feel that nobody cares for me. No one needs me in this world. And no one understands me. I was so upset and frustrated for the way I was. But now, I know that there are some people cares for me. It just that… I don’t realize them.

I thought that they are controlling my life. Control everything. I used to think that I want to go far away from them. As far as I can. And now, I’m far away. At first, I feel the freedom. I was really happy coz finally I get what I want. FREEDOM. There was someone keep on calling me several times during the first week. I was uncomfortable with that. And I asked him not to call me too often. How can I say those words to him? I never think about his feeling. I kept on saying that he is trying to control me even I’m not in front of him. The anger was taking over me.

Hmm… It has been 2 years, you know what? He didn’t call me anymore. I feel both happiness and sadness. I’m happy coz no one controls me anymore, yet I’m sad coz I feel like he might not care for me anymore. I feel like something is lacking. I used to get his call… but when it stops, I’m lost. People will never appreciate those people around them until they lost them. I will never let myself do something that will make me regret at the end of the day.

Now, when I feel the “lost”, I can see the other side of that. Actually every time he calls me, that means he worried about me. Thinking how is my life in this strange world since I’ve never leave home before. He never said “I care about you” nor “I miss you”, but I know he has his own way of showing his love and concern. Cares and love are subjective. It does not necessarily put in word but it can be shown in other way. Now, I realize that my dad has never control my life, but he is trying to do the best for his daughter. Guide me all the time, so that I won’t make mistakes that might ruin my life. Thanks dad…

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